April is National Stress Awareness Month—How’s Your Child Doing?

What does a child have to worry about? He sleeps in a warm bed every night and gets three square meals and treats and doesn’t have to worry about the light bill.  Most adults don’t think of children having stress---but that’s because they’re adults. They’ve forgotten how children think.

The things that adults scoff at are major stressors to children. Is Susie going to sit with me at the lunch table?   What am I going to wear today? Okay, that one stresses out a lot of adult women, too, so scratch that. I got a C on my report card and that’s not going to be good enough to get me into the college I want. The list goes on and on, and the list is very real to a child. April is National Stress Awareness Month. While you are thinking about your own problems, know that your child is picking up on the vibes, and he's worrying, too.

 He worries about fitting in and measuring up to unrealistic goals---and given the many after-school activities he’s probably involved in---he has less time to do all of that worrying. That’s a lot of stress to pack into a short period of time.

Small children can’t interpret many of the circumstances around them. Mom and dad frown a lot and when they talk to one another they yell. Mom tucked me in and then she was gone for three days. It may have been a business trip, but a small child has no sense of time and space, so she may display anxiety.

The issue of childhood stress is so “real” that the American Academy of Pediatrics has a website devoted to the issue. One section is meant for parents, but another is for teens to log onto privately to develop a stress management plan. Parents can pick up a copy of the AAP book: A Parent's Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving your Child Roots and Wings.

Is your child stressed? Children go through phases so some of the signs aren’t very clear cut. You’ll have to put some of the warning signs together with other signs to get a good idea. Here are some warning signs that vary depending on the age of the child:

•  Bedwetting
• Thumbsucking
• Nightmares
• Separation anxiety (younger children)
• Mysterious stomach aches and headaches
• Changes in sleep pattern (too much or too little)
• Mood swings
• Trouble concentrating
• Acting Out

 How You Can Help

• Make the time to talk. A child may be fearful to approach you, so you may  have to talk around a subject over a period of time to get any real information.
• Allow for the proper rest. Sometimes a parent has to cut out an activity or two and call it a family game or movie night. Make it something quiet that keeps the family connected in a family and physical way. Children tend to blurt out the things that are bothering them at what seems like odd times to grown ups. The truth is, they often just have to work up the courage to talk about it, and that takes time.
• Develop a walking or exercise program you can share. The more the child can relax and share, the more he can transfer his burden onto stronger shoulders.
• If you expect a stressful situation to arise, it’s important to talk to the child an prepare him in advance. Silence scares children. You don't have to tell all of the details, but you can't ignore that something is happening. Your child is picking up on your own tenseness and he'll hyper-interpret the situation.
• The more prepared he is, the less fear of the unknown he has. And the more time  you spend talking to him in fun, stress-free settings, the more apt he’ll be to share school and friend problems with you.