Children and Bad Habits

We lament because our kids suck their thumbs, bite their nails, twirl their hair, carry a security blanket and/or say “you know” or “um” with every sentence. Bad habits have to be broken. Or do they? And if they do, how?

Since we adults smoke, drink and eat to excess, you’d think we’d be a little more understanding of how hard it is to break a bad habit. Despite our own flaws, we get fixated on changing the child’s behavior so it doesn’t follow them into adulthood. But seriously, the last time you went into your doctor’s office, were they hanging onto a special blankie?

Most childhood bad habits resolve themselves. Yes, you have to worry about thumb sucking or the use of a pacifier because of how it may affect your child’s teeth, but for the average child, it’s not an issue. According to a University of Michigan report, "Bad Habits/Annoying Behavior" infants often start to suck their thumb long before their first birthday. They stop on their own because of peer pressure.

 No one wants to see their child as the victim of peer pressure, but in this case it’s not a bad thing. It’s more like people their own age teaching them what’s appropriate since they certainly don’t want to listen to you.

Bad habits become an issue if they start to cause physical harm to the child. Children are no different than adults in that they fall back into bad habits when they are stressed or tired. It’s a coping mechanism. So, if your child falls back into a habit he’d broken, look for some underlying causes. Is something happening at school or at home that’s stressing the child out? Address that issue, and the habit may resolve itself.

Often parents take the tact of a stern threat to make a child change his behavior. How often have you heard the phrase: “Keep doing that and your face will stay like that?” In the history of parents and children, has a parent saying that phrase ever stopped a child from grimacing?

 More than that, the odd threat can cause even more stress on the child, bringing on the very behavior you’re trying to curb.

When I was a child, I used to bite my cuticles to the point that my fingers became infected. My mom would take me to the pediatrician who would lance the swollen, infected finger open, and I’d get an admonishment to stop the behavior.

One day, the pediatrician told me glibly, “The next time you come in here, I’m going to have to cut that hand off.” I was about seven years old and intensely shy.

My finger ended up infected again, and my mother took me in to see the pediatrician. He didn’t remember---and my mother didn’t remember---the threat he had made in such an off-handed manner. I remembered. I thought about it the whole ride to his office, and I thought about it some more in the waiting room.

Then I reacted. As the doctor prepared to lance the infected finger, I became hysterical, thinking my hand was going to be amputated. It took a nurse, my mother and the doctor to hold my 7-year-old body down.

I came home with my hand still attached. No one could figure out why I had reacted that way when I’d gone through the same routine a dozen times. When I finally talked to my mom about it, she was horrified. She’s never forgotten that.

 As most childhood habits do, my cuticle biting resolved itself. I made it through childhood with all of my fingers intact.  

Even if there is no underlying stress issues, sometimes a childhood habit needs to be addressed simply because it’s a nuisance. Here are some great resources on childhood habits:

YourChild: Development and Behavior Resources. This covers everything from hand banging to nail biting to nervous tics and nose picking.

About.com/Pediatrics. The page offers a series of articles dealing with many annoying childhood habits.

Breaking Bad Habits. The publishers of Parent Magazine have put together a resource guide for parents.